Tuesday, September 18, 2018

"What Was I THINKING?" Year 2018 - Week Two

OK… THAT was one amazing week of play in the ol’ DFFL!  Fans of the National Football League have been buzzing concerning all of the high scores during the games of the last two weeks.  Those same fans should come on over and check out the DFFL’s two-week blitzkrieg of staggering numbers!  For the second week in a row, EIGHT of the 12 Dunn-Ed franchises posted a total score of over 100 points, and, as a league, the Dunn-Edwards Fantasy Football League team scoring average comes in at a whopping 109.54 for the 24 game entries.  That, my friends, is SICK!  Obviously, the team owners in the DFFL know what they’re doing.  Congrats to all for the outrageous scoring totals.  Keep up the good work!

Now, yes, that’s all well and good… But … You ALL know that high scores and monster scoring averages AREN’T why you’re all here, reading this blog today.  You’re all here to find out who, among all the DFFL glitz and glamour, has again sunk to the depths of fantasy football despair.  Well, I’ll tell you one thing – No less than 11 of the 12 teams in the DFFL scored some sort of “points.” 

There’s a little something for EVERYONE, in this week’s blog, my friends.

So, without further propaganda from the writer of this parakeet paper, I think it’s just about time to find out just who got an “A” on their second-week mid-term paper, and who should have just folded that paper in half, molded it into a paper airplane, and flew it right into the can. – It’s time to ask the question that we’re ALL here to ask…

“What Was I THINKING?”

OK, check this out, my friends – They don’t call our gold medal of setting lineups in the DFFL the “Genius” Division for nothing.  Our league broke the record for “most franchises posting a zero-point loss for the weekend, with THREE PERFECT SCORES!  The 3 teams turning the trick in Week Two’s game play were Grant Herman of the Baltimore Ravens (Who lost to Full Tilt Poker in a blowout), The Burbank Thumpers (who lost a one-point heartbreaker to the Trojans), and…Yes, you guessed it –

YOUR NAME HERE!  Yes, you read it right – Your – Name – Here, with a perfect score for Week Two play!  And, not only did Ryan Francis post a perfecto for the weekend … He ALSO was VICTORIOUS in his match against the Killing Fields.  Each of these three teams receive seven big atta-boy points, for a job well done. 

OK.. so, there’s 3 perfect scores.  Next up, the silver medalists for Week Two… Two more teams that gave up just 1 lousy point to their bench for this week – Yours truly of Full Tilt, and Andy Gillette, of the Trojans.  That makes FIVE teams with either perfectos, or near-perfect posting.  Truly amazing.  5 Way-to-go points for Andy and moi.  Finishing out the scoring with Bronze medal play for week two are Ron Bolton of Run & Gun and Roberto Abundis of The Killing Fields with just 5 points lost to the bench.  That’s SEVEN teams with 5 or less points lost to the bench.  Wild.

OK, here’s how they stand after Week Two of the 2018 DFFL Genius Division….


1.   Your Name Here (13 points) – Forget the Red Sea, this young man is a PLAYA.
2.   Burbank Thumpers (7 points) – Jose’s team pumping on all cylinders, should be 2-0
2.   Baltimore Ravens (7 points) – Someone had to cool Grant off -- No Fournette / Rodgers
4.   Mr. Go Lucky (6.5 points) – Holding firm with an undefeated record in Dunn-Ed Play
5.   The Killing Fields (6 points) – Robert ran into another hot DFFL team in Week 2
6    Full tilt Poker (5 points) – Distant sixth already.  EIGHT points behind YNH?  Really?
6.   Trojans (5 points) – Deserved a perfecto, too.  Lost one point w/Falcons DST
8.   Run & Gun (3 points) – Bilal Powell has kept Ron from perfectos 5 TIMES in the past

Yet to score – Bolts, Grim Reaper, Norsemen, Mob Squad

And there they go, my friends.  Our Geniuses of Week Two.  And as those eight franchises fade into the sunset of the second week of Dunn-Ed play, we now turn our attention to the seedy underbelly of Dunn-Ed’s “Gotham City.”  Unfortunately, there IS no “Caped Crusader to save what’s about to happen with some of our fine franchises, but, as A. J. Smith so aptly put it some many years ago as the San Diego Chargers’ GM – “It is what it is.”  Thank you for that stirring prose, A.J.  Let’s find out who bought their 2018 Fantasy Football Guide Book from the Dollar tree, as we now ask that fabled question…


First off, we’re proud to introduce a new scoring system to WWIT. 

If the selections that you’ve made appear to have cost you the game in one way or another, you’ll lose extra points THAT way, as well.  That, and we’re sticking with our minus 7-5-3 system that we’ve had since Brett Favre was a rookie. 

First off, we stop right at the Full Tilt Poker doorstep, with a late addition to the scoring system for Week One.  I found a mistake in tabulating Robert Adundis’ score for Week One, and have now corrected the score.  Unfortunately, that’s not good enough for THIS WWIT column.  You goof, you get goofy-points.  We’re giving Full tilt -2 points, and hope he keep the scoring straight, from now on.

Now, HERE’S how good the total scoring was for the week.  Yes, our WWIT Champion for Week Two play is our friend, Alan Sullivan of Grim Reaper fame, but he lost all 23 of the bench points with just one player – Big Ben Roethlisberger.  A bad break for Alan, but there’s good news – He won his game in Week 2!  Congrats for that, and here’s your prize - -7 Goofy points. 

For Week 2, the tarnished WWIT silver medal goes to Jesus Cortez, of the Mob Squad.  You know things are going bad, when you find out that Jesus lost two points to his bench with Matt Patricia and the Lions’ DST.  That’s gonna cost the Squad -5 goofy points.  Bronze medal for futility goes to Anthony Pitassi of the undefeated MGL team, for a -3 on the ledger for that performance.

Oh, and before we go, we’ve got some serious minus points to give out… We already mentioned Full Tilt’s accounting problem for -2… Also getting popped for an extra point this week – MGL, for benching Zane Gonzales of Cleveland Browns fame, and then jinxing him so badly, he got cut today…. The Mob Squad, for making me spell the word, “Patricia” … and the Norsemen, for Benching Randall Cobb, after he put up a big total last week.  He’s a Packer-Hater, minus-1 for that.  Oh, and I noticed that Commissioner Francis’ Bolts were the only team not to score ANY points this week!  We’ll, we can fix that, here’s a minus-1 for you, too.  A present, from me to you!

Total carnage on Week One… Here are the full results for WWIT…


1.   Grim Reeker (-12 points) – Boy, Alan… That Bills team… And now, the VIKES?  YIKES!
2.   Hoarse-Men (-8 points) – Should dock you another point for Carlson’s swan song
3.   Worst Show on Paper (-7 points) – Just a matter of time before O.J. gets you
4.   Tragic Trojans (-4 points) – Zeke pulled that win out for you, Andy!.  Nice game..
4.   Mr. Not-So-Lucky (-4 points) – Phone call for you, Anthony – It’s Zane Gonzales
6.   Pop-Gun Run (-3 points) – Russell Wilson needs HELP, Ron.  He’s in tough.
7.   Fully Tilted Poker (-2 points) – Dude, if you can’t add, give the WWIT column up!
8.   Dirty Birds (-1 point) – Nice perfecto, my son!
8    Dolts (-1 point) – If I’M getting negative points, YOU’RE getting negative points!

Yet to score - Beautiful Downtown Burbank, Nameless Wonder, Dead on the Field

Well, that’s all for this week, friends.  I have all the e-mails to ship out the parakeet paper every week, on Tuesday.  Some of you don’t have Microsoft Office / Word.  If that’s the case, let me know, and I’ll continue to post WWIT on the Aces Casino Blog.  Have a good week!

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