(Ed. Note: Since the Aces team is out of town today for an event, we thought to ourselves, "what better way to celebrate April Fool's day is there than recounting the time where the "Blogmeister" took the pipe while traveling to visit Las Vegas on 'business?'" Sounds good to us... So, by popular demand, let's dig into the Aces Casino Blog "Greatest Hits" archive for this lil' ditty. The team will be back on Thursday, unless they 'run afoul of the law...')
One of the many perks of working for a company like
Aces Casino is the opportunity to be with your friends and family on most holidays, since the
Orange County casino party leader traditionally doesn't have events on big holidays (except New Years' Eve). This CAN be a blessing, but as some of the
Aces Casino staff discovered, it can also be a "curse."
It's
Labor Day weekend, 2010, a weekend that most sports fans just LOVE; The
NFL and college football are starting their seasons, and Major League
Baseball is heading into their stretch run. It's a great time to be a
fan, and an even GREATER time to be a sports bettor. So many games on
the big board, and so little time to place those wagers on our favorite
selections.
That's the main reason that three staff
members (myself included) decided to make that short run to "Sin City"
late one Friday night, once another one of the
Aces Casino star-studded
Orange County casino night
parties came to a close. Normally, traffic to Vegas can be a pain, but
we weren't leaving until Midnight, so we assumed that this would be a
quick trip to Vegas, a trip made even quicker by, shall we say,
"exceeding the speed limit."
THAT was "Bad Decision Number One."
Not
long into the trip, a California Highway Patrol cruiser spotted us
doing about 85 on I-15, somewhere around Riverside county. THAT was
"Bad Decision Number Two." Soon, it was lights and siren, we pulled
over, and a very hospitable officer wrote this reporter a ticket for the
speeding, warned us to be a little more careful, and sent us on our
way.
The stoppage really didn't hit us too hard as far
as our schedule goes, so we were able to get back on the road, watch our
speed, and make it to Vegas in time to get a room, grab 40 winks, get
up the next morning, and spend three full days and nights betting games
like crazy. Did pretty good, too; hit three different parlays, cracked a
few horse races, and hit the college and NFL games to the tune of a
nine-win, two-loss result. 77% will always get it done.
Translation: We had a GREAT time..
We
came home late that next Monday evening totally refreshed, and parted
ways late that night boasting overall profits of about $600 each. Then,
when I returned home, I was reminded of the only glitch in our
fun-filled weekend -- That speeding ticket that yours truly received
during the trip to Las Vegas.
It all seemed so "trivial" at the time...
Agh.....OK,
Gotta do this...I looked for and found the ticket, and since it was
issued in Riverside County, California, that's the court that I'll have
to attend. So, I looked it up, found it and found out where it was, and
three weeks later, on a Friday, I officially visited the Riverside
County Courthouse to deal with my ticket. The person I talked to on the
phone to verify the court's locatiuon warned me to be on time...
At 7 AM.
THAT'S Bad Decision Number 3.
Now, because of my employment at
Aces Casino, the
Orange County casino party
kingpin, I tend to keep, shall we say, "late hours." The events don't
normally start until 7 or 8 O'Clock, aren't completed until past
Midnight, and it takes a little time to properly dismantle the casino
once the event is over. Because of those loose facts, me being ANYWHERE
by 7am, let
alone Riverside, is a tough nut to crack. But, I
did the crime, gotta do the time. Got up, and dragged myself out there,
and brought a book with me (a trivia book), just in case there was some
time to pass.
I get to the court, find the courtroom handling my speed-demonship, and when the doors open (at 7:20), I file in.
Me,
and what seems like a hundred other people. Oh, that's just GREAT....
Hope I'm in the first 10 or so, I have a lot of things to do back at
Aces Casino that day.....
Anyway,
we all sit down, and the bailiff comes out to talk to us. He shows us
the ropes, tells us how everything is going to go, but after about 5
minutes or so, he asks the group, "How many of you in this courtroom
will need an interpreter when taking their turn with the judge?"
I
kid you not. 99.99% of the hands were raised. Only me, and what
looked like five or six other people, DIDN'T raise their hands. (Hey,
if they don't speak English, how's they know to raise their hands?
Sorry, I digress....) Upon seeing this, the bailiff tells us that this
information is important to the court, because they need to know how
long to keep the court's bilingual interpreter. He then looks over at
this man sitting at a table, and nods to him.
Then, it
dawns on me. They're going to take all the hispanic English-Challenged
citizens first......Oh, my gosh....I look at my watch, it's now about
7:50AM, and the bailiff tells us, "OK, court will be in session in about
30 minutes." Why? He needs to process all these people first, I'm
told.
GREEEEEAT. This won't even START until around
8:30am, and I'm instantly looking like I'm at the back of the line,
because I'm NOT in need of an interpreter. I immediately jump up out of
my seat, go out to my car, and grab my trivia book. It's going to be a
long, day, I can just feel it.
That's the only thing I
got right all day. At 8:30am, the judge shows up, and he has the
Bailiff call the first name. "Jose Garcia." Yep, we have a winner. He
walks up, can't speak english, pleads his case, and gets some sort of
fine. I'd tell you what it was, but the damned courthouse proceedings
are all in Spanish. I'm looking for the "Subtitles" button on my
invisible remote. Nope, no dice. I'm stuck. The judge is speakin' english, but I can't tell you the answers that he's gettin'.
What
transpires in the next four hours is one Spanish-speaking scofflaw
after another, all needing the interpreter, all doing basically the same
thing, and seemingly getting the same fine. 12:30 finally arrives.
LUNCH. ANOTHER half-hour lost. I'm not CLOSE to escaping this
Night-Mare-O. I don't know why they have a lunch break. There's
nowhere to eat, OR sit down. They kick you out of the courtroom during
lunch.
Note to the Court - GET ONE OF THESE!
So,
the doors open back up at 1:15pm. Long lunch for his honor. The
remaining speeders and what-have-you people go back in, and I'm counting
Hispanic heads. 16, 17, 18, OK, 19. 19 more, then the seven of us
that are left. Unfortunately for me, THESE 19 people seemingly have
complicated cases. They're ALL taking their time. It's different
Spanish (at least it SOUNDS like different Spanish words), and we now have an attorney or two, and HE'S speakin'
Spanish. The hands on the clock are
spinning ....2:15 ....2:40 ......3pm...The Bailiff announces, "we'll try to
get everyone in today." You gotta be kidding me.....
I'm
hot as a $2 pistol by now. My entire day has been shot watching this
Spanish "Soap Opera," and the last of the interpreter-clients doesn't
step up until 3:35. I'm frustrated, tired, and so hungry, I'm
considering eating some of the trivia book by now.
Of
the eight remaining people, I end up being NEXT TO LAST. 4:10pm. I've
been here NINE HOURS, and by now, I'm blaming everyone for this,
including the three guys I went to Vegas with, the CHP, the Border
Patrol, you name it. I've read the book I brought TWICE by the time I
finally get up in front of the judge.
He calls me by my
last name, reads the citation as doing "90 in a 65 zone." 90? Hell,
my car can't even GO 90. "I thought it was 85," I mention to the judge,
and for the first time, this judge looks down at me, over his glasses.
I
can tell he's not happy about my lil' outburst. He starts going on
this diatribe about speeders on California's freeway, and how much of a
danger we are to the road, especially at night. I'm looking at my watch
as the diatribe goes on, and he tells me what this is going to cost me
-- $175.00. Now, I'm even MORE ticked at what's going on in the
courtroom, and think back to that fateful night, when it looked to me like
everyone ELSE on the I-15 that night was going about the same speed.....
It
looks like he's finally done with me, after blaming me for everything
from the uptick in traffic deaths in California to the Rams moving out
of California...And that's when he asks me that fateful question.....
"Mr. Aces.....Do you have any questions before I rule?"
Boy,
I wish he wouldn't have put it that way. I'm so frustrated at this
crazy day, that for some stupid reason, I thought of the book I brought
with me. "Yeah, I have a question," I responded to him. "What major
league baseball player hit a home run in his first major league at-bat,
then never hit another in his long and storied baseball career, spanning
over 20 years?"
I noticed the Bailiff and the court
reporter WERE conversing with each other, but stopped talking when they
heard what came out of my mouth. They both looked at me, then looked at
the judge, then looked at each other again, and it seemed like time had stopped on planet Earth. Even the Spanish-speaking throng were quiet. (I knew they could speak English.) This
hush over the courtroom lasted for quite awhile, until the judge spoke
again......
"The answer to your question is Hoyt
Wilhelm, Mister Aces, and, on top of your previous fine, that answer by this court will cost you a contempt-of-court
citation. Pay the bailiff on your way out."
Oh-my-GAWD.
Yep, that's the answer. I can't believe I just did that. The bailiff
just starts laughing out loud, and the court reporter got a big kick out
of it, too. I shuffled over to the Bailiff's desk, where he asked me,
"Is that the right answer?"
"Yes, it is," I responded.
"Damn, he IS good. Son, you picked on the wrong judge. He knows his
baseball.....," as he let out this hillbilly laugh once again. What's
the damage, you ask? $175 for the speeding, and $389 for the contempt
charge. My winnings in Las Vegas.
I guess it could
have been worse. It could have been Judge Judy. From this day on, I've
ALWAYS driven under 65 MPH when going thru Riverside, watch every
reality-show small-claims court TV episode waiting for someone else to
do something stupid. (And they do...) That always makes me feel
better.
Every time I hear Wilhelm's name I twitch, and reach for my wallet.
THAT was Bad decision number FOUR. Just goes to show you, I'm much better blogging about
Aces Casino, and am so glad the base of operations of the company isn't in Riverside County. Yep, we do our
Orange County casino party stuff right here in Whittier and Buena Park, thank you very much.
So
much for my getting a job as a game show host or a stand-up comedian. I
still can't believe I did that inside that courtroom, but with every
tough lesson learned, there's always a moral to the story -- If the
answer is Hoyt Wilhelm, do NOT ask the question.
