Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Aces Casino Blog: Top 5 "News" Stories That Come Straight Out Of The "Are YOU Kidding Me?" File

Aces Casino Entertainment has ALWAYS been known for it's fantastic Orange County Casino Night parties and events, and one of the main reasons for that is simple -- Aces isn't just a casino party company, It's a treasure-trove of some of the brightest, wittiest, and most entertaining personalities on the planet.  It just so happens that they're ALSO the top casino party staffers in the business, a team that loves to play casino-based games. For us, It's the PERFECT marriage, a casino party "synergy," if you will.

Now, the reason we bring up this self-serving, useless fact here in the Aces Casino Blog is ALSO simple -- Our staff is the guiding force behind this lil' drivel sheet that we "try" to post twice a week.  Someone should be recording their "B.S." sessions here in the offices, they're THAT funny.  If Conan, Jay or David need a fresh team of comedy writers, they should contact us.  We'll share, we promise.

Any time yours truly needs to end another Aces Casino Blog marathon "writers' block" session, all I need to do is wander over to the lounge, and take in the latest conversation about life in general.  BOOM.  End of writers' block.  This week, the topic at the ol' water cooler was "stories in the news that drive us crazy."  So, courtesy of the best staff in the Orange County casino party business, here are the Aces Casino "Top 5 news stories that belong in the 'Are YOU Kidding ME' file".....

#5 -- "Situation suing father in attempt to stop internet exploitation"

I suppose that there are two ways to look at the recent 'situation' between the "Jersey Shore" star and his father.  #1 -- "Come on, Dad!  I only have fifteen minutes of fame.  There's no DOUBT the money's going to dry up soon.  I already have an entourage to feed, I can't afford med insurance, too!"  Or, #2 -- Anyone surprised that "The Situation" has turned on his father over money obviously hasn't been paying attention.  It shouldn't shock anyone when you finally find out extremely shallow this guy is. 

One more thing -- The father wants his own reality show.  Oh.  Never mind.  Wow, what a family.  Thank your lucky stars, people.  Time to go and give a family member a hug..... Unless they want to be PAID for it.

Pretty much says it all.

#4 -- "Big Five Oil Companies Profits Approach $1T For Decade"

That's "T," as in "Trillion."  We're not talking "Crude Oil Pricing" any more.  It's more like "Obscene Oil Pricing."   The story linked to the headline talks about the United States government considering rolling back subsidies that we are taxed for to "assist the oil companies to find new places and ways to get oil."  Phhh... A Trillion-Dollar profit over the last ten years, and you need the taxpayers to subsidize your "explorations?"

The price of gas is strangling our industry, among many others.  The greed with these oil companies is staggering.... I was chagrined to find out that my attempt to locate Doc Brown's DeLorean that he used in the movie, "Back To The Future," had been removed from the Universal Studios back-lot recently and stored away somewhere.   It's probably sitting next to the Arc of the Covenant. 

Damn.... Just when you were hoping for a car that ran on banana peels, THIS happens.  Hey, "Big Five" -- KNOCK IT OFF.  I'll pay $2.50/gallon, that's fair.  Go and do your OWN exploring.  Last time I was in Vegas, I accidentally ran into an Exxon party at Caesar's Palace.  I THEN knew why I was paying $4/per.  Enough's enough.  Cut 'em off, Barack.

#3 -- Schwarzenegger admits to fathering 10-year-old Love Child"

Holy MOLY.  The minute that the "Terminator" leaves the Governor's mansion in California, we find out he's handing out pardons to murderous sons of political insiders.  (Ed. Note: The San Diego D.A. is attempting to nullify the pardon.)  THEN, word leaks out that Arnie has a LOVE CHILD thru one of his recently-retired staffers?  What did she retire from, the JOB, or the "Terminator?" THAT girl's going to be SWARMED by the Cali media machine. 

Sad.  Just.  SAD.  Makes me want to run for office, to try and stem the tide of smarmy, slithering political cretins.  Then, I'm told that no one else around here would write the Aces Casino Blog.  So much for my political career.  It feels good to be needed by the top orange county casino party company in SoCal.

#2 -- "Two-Headed Turtle To Predict World Hockey Championships"

You KNOW the world has a gambling problem when people asre turning to some mutant tow-headed ninja turtle to help them bet on games.   And not just GAMES -- World Championship HOCKEY games.  What the hell does a turtle know about hockey?  Now, CURLING, I could understand.  They LOOK like curling stones, turtles do.  But Hockey?

We'll keep you posted on this turtles' record in picking games.  Good thing the site's called "Free Soccer Picks Dot Com," or something like that.  I'd hate to have to think I'm buying lettuce for that dopey terrapin to feed me winners.  Hope the turtle's heads don't argue about the picks.  If one likes the USA, and one likes Canada, we're in trouble.  Rocky's manager says they make good soup.  One wrong pick, and I'm all for it. 

Interesting Side Note -- (And I am NOT kidding) -- Did you ALSO know that there used to be an octopus that people used to pick World Cup Soccer results in 2010, and that the octopus had almost a perfect record in picking winners, including the finals?  True story, I kid you not.  Epilogue -- Don't bother calling the octopus for Super Bowl predictions.  It died of old age last year.  Either that, or it was cooked by British soccer hooligans, I can't remember which.

 "We're likin' the Russians this year!"

#1 -- "Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says"

Gee, ya think?

This story proves that our Orange County Casino Night Party company has too much time on it's hands.  Either that, or you can easily entertain yourself by typing in requests for "stupid news stories."  Our staff was trading idiotic but true news headlines all day.   Yes, just another day at the Aces Casino offices.

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