And, since all conversations that take place inside these Aces Casino walls are the property of Aces Casino Entertainment, Inc., we thought that we'd be shirking our duties if we DIDN'T bring these same ramblings to the Aces Casino Blog. (The owner of the company told me, 'It's good to be the King,' when he heard about this Blog entry. That's his way of saying he'll compensate the staffers with his usual 'Continental Breakfast' next week -- Two rolls, and a cup of coffee. Told you we're cheap.)
So, courtesy of the orange county casino party leader, here's what's on the mind of the Aces Casino team when it comes to the subject of "Bad News," along with other helpful hints to recognize the signs of oncoming problems in all walks of life...
--Three people you don't want knocking at your front door --
1. Chris Hansen. If HE'S at the front door, don't let your wife answer. That "Dateline" guy's interested in your latest online date with someone that's younger than that "Big Mac" on your plate.
2. The Jehovah's Witnesses. They hit our "Bad" list when we found out they don't celebrate ANY holidays. What's up with that? There goes all of our events! Uhh, no. Get that watchtower out of here.
3. The neighbor that's always borrowing something. "Seinfeld's" Kramer was funny. My cheap neighbor isn't. My next-door neighbor can open up his own Home Depot store with all the tools he's borrowed from me. Never seems to return them....I'll send the Jehovah's witnesses over there next time.
--Three quick ways to ruin an orange county casino night --
1. Spill a drink at the table. Have a great time, but be CAREFUL, people! You knock a drink over at the Blackjack table, and it's a big mess. Gets all over the cards, the chips, everything. Slows down the night when you have to clean up. And we're still surprised that some people put down their drink INSIDE the Craps table, then are truly shocked when the motion of throwing the dice knocks the drink over. Duh! Use the drink holders, you guys!
2. Cheat. They're FAKE CHIPS, people! The raffle tickets at the end aren't worth forever tarnishing whatever is left of your dignity and reputation. The "pit bosses" see what you're doing at the tables. We can fix your "net worth" later with the tickets, and usually do. Any reputable los angeles casino party company knows the deal. Don't do it, ain't worth it.
3. Throw one of the tables overboard. See this link. 'Nuff said. Didn't ruin the party, and actually became Aces Casino legend, but we'd rather this not become a habit. Most of our delivery team can't swim.
--Three signs that your favorite sports team isn't doing so well --
1. Your favorite team's owner gives your manager the dreaded "vote of confidence." Translation: Your baseball team's dead, and the manager has one week to clean out his desk. Hop out of the oven, babe. You're done.
2. The P.A. announcer only needed six minutes to personally count all the people inside the stadium watching the game to announce the attendance. I went to a Padres' game last month that only had about 8,000 people at Petco Park, but the announced attendance was given at something like 29,000+. Don't you actually have to GO to be in attendance?
3. Your son is using your favorite team shirt to wash his car, and told you that since the team's in last place, that you wouldn't be wanting it any more. Yeah, thanks, kid. I'll get you back when you introduce your new girlfriend to the family, and I show up with my teeth blacked out, and talkin' like a hillbilly. Leave my shirt alone, next time.
--Three sure-fire ways to tell you're about to be fired
1. Your long-time cubicle has been moved somewhere else in the building over the weekend, and no one seems to know where it is now. Bonus tip - No one wants to make eye contact with you when you ask them where your cubicle went.
2. Do you suddenly feel uncomfortable at work? Is the boss giving vital biz information to your co-workers instead of you? Do you suddenly have very little to do at work? As the Ex-Gov would say, "Asta La Vista, Bay-Bee."
3. The man that everyone knows by the nickname "The Turk," the guy that is the one that has consistently handed out bad news for other ex-employees in the past, comes into your now-relocated cubicle and says, "Boss wants to see you. Bring your playbook." Nah, that's not good.
--Three things that are tougher than they look to get done
1. Planting a new lawn in your front yard. Hell, I thought it was just, 'throw the grass plots out there, it's just like putting in a new rug. WRONG. Just wait until the Home Depot guy tells you that you'll need to rent a roto-tiller and a big roller-thingie. Jeez, I just wanted some new grass. HARD work, my friends. Take it from me - Pick up "mucho hombres" from outside the 'Depot' before headin' back with all the rental equipment. You'll thank me later.
2. Going to the DMV to take care of a simple paperwork snafu. When you look in the DMV dictionary under the word, "simple," it has a picture of a Rubix Cube. If you belong to "Triple-A," go over THERE, first. You'll live longer. But, if you DO have to go into the DMV 'Black Hole,' take the time to watch the people in the written testing area. They're cheating like CRAZY in there. It's like playing poker in the Old West. The only thing missing is the cards and the guns. Oops, I take that back -- There's a guy with a gun in his back pocket taking a test in there. I'm thinkin' he's going to pass his test.
3. Finding those weird items on the supermarket shelves that your wife needs to fix that holiday meal for the family. We're talking about stuff that you NEVER normally buy. Now I know WHY the wife sends ME to the store to get this stuff - SHE doesn't know where the stuff is inside that store, either. Knorr vegetable mix, water chestnuts, lady fingers? I must have been at the store for three hours looking for that crap. Then, I got chastised by this asian lady for "racial profiling" when I asked her where the water chestnuts were. Oh, sure, Happy Easter. Right back at'cha.
Boy, it's a good thing I know something about the orange county casino party business, because after writing THIS piece for the Aces Casino Blog, it sure looks like I don't know jack about anything else. So, give us a call and let us help you with your next casino night party. We do los angeles casino party events, too. We just don't do the DMV, grocery shopping, or lawn work any more. Now THAT'S hard work...