"Three Largest Online Poker Sites Indicted and Shut Down by FBI," and the other headline dreaded by yours truly, your Orange County casino party Blogger?
"2011 Spring Boy Scout Camp-o-ree Opens This Weekend."
You couldn't select two more awful pieces of news for this reporter if you tried. Fortunately for this Blogger, we didn't find out about the FIRST ONE of the headlines until we suffered through the second one, so the blow WAS lessened, somewhat.
Now, before we go any farther, perhaps a little semi-revisionist history is worth discussing when it come to this Aces Casino Blogger. The man whose drivel you're reading is NOT, shall we say, "The Outdoors Type." My idea of "roughing it in the wild" is having to look for extra towels in my hotel room after taking a nice, relaxing Jacuzzi. I never went camping as a boy; Camping is where all the spiders, snakes and wild animals hung out. Loved all the sports as a young pup; Played Baseball, Hockey, Basketball, wished I could play Football, but was too skinny, and knew better.
Sure, I was active, but NOT when it came to "The Outdoors." Didn't hunt, didn't care for guns.... My father was one of those Mid-2oth-Century men -- World War II decorated hero, purple heart, smoked a pack of Camels a DAY, and was one of the best fisherman that anyone ever saw. That's why it broke his heart to see this skinny waif of a lad hop onto a half-day fishing boat out of Davey's Locker in SoCal, immediately get seasick, and become worthless for the whole trip. Dad got a bad deal with this one, no doubt.
Oh, I took a shot at fishing; After getting tired of tossing my cookies over the railing of the boat for two hours, dear ol' Dad stuck a pole in my hand, showed me how to bait the hook (Yuck), and dropped my line into the Pacific Ocean. Went on three trips just like this with Dad, and all three ended up the same way. Toss cookies, beit the hook after two hours, drop a line, caught a BEAUTIFUL orange-colored fish and thought, "OK, maybe this isn't so bad AFTER all."
Problem was, I kept catching the same type of fish. A Sculpin. I was really jazzed about catching this thing, and the guy next to me on the boat would always say, "here, sonny, lemme help you with that," and would promptly CUT MY LINE. Spoosh, back in the sea goes my fish. "Hey! What's the deal," I'd ask, and found out the damned fish was poisonous, or something. Best to cut it loose, they'd. Yep....Three trips, three Sculpins. Three cut lines, no fish. When I get to heaven (which is a long reach from here), I'll probably look myself up in the record book, and it'll say, "No fish caught during lifetime." That's a lie, dear Lord. I caught THREE. Check the tape.
So, all things considered, Dad gave up. "He's not an outdoors kid," He told Mom. No prob, I'll just hit the books instead.... Graduated from every school with high honors, and went to college at UNLV, where they had plenty of their own snakes, spiders, and wild animals. Now THESE, I could handle.
So, the rest IS history. Hated camping, wsn't born with the camping gene, and never thought that the lack of this gene would re-enter my life again.
Then, I had kids. BOYS. TWO of them.
Now, funny thing about kids. They grow up. They get as big as I was, when I was a kid, a time that my oldest son likes to call "when dinosaurs roamed the earth." I always pay him back, though. Ask him about fantasy football and baseball. That dino-Dad's kickin' your butt, little one. (Grin) And, when these two kids grew up, just WHAT did they ask Dad to do? Yep...Join the Cub Scouts.
OK, we joined, they whittled, learned about rocks, raced little wooden derby cars, fun stuff. "Hey, this isn't so bad," I thought to myself. This'll work...Until they handed me the flyer for this "Camp'O'Ree."
Camping. REAL camping. Tents, sleeping bags, skillets, rough terrain, no electricity, cold as Hades at night, and two boys that thought It'd be fun to jump up and down on the air mattress that Dad thought would be his saving grace, only to find out that "Air Mattress not to be used as trampoline" is the first thing printed on the top. "POOOSH," popped that mattress like a balloon.
This "Camp-O-Ree" experience needs it's own blog later on, it's too much to print here. We'll give you Part Two on Thursday, and we still owe you the story of Aces Casino v. The Kardashians, which we'll get to next week. Right now, It's time to forget the Camp-O-Ree nightmare, and get to what Aces Casino, the Orange County casino party kingpin, does best; Whine about our OTHER headline -- The shut-down of Online poker engines like Full Tilt Poker, Poker Stars and Ultimate Bet.
I couldn't BELIEVE it when one of our assistant leads told me about the DOJ shutting down Full Tilt Poker and indicting the owners of these web sites on gambling and money-laundering charges that violate the UIGEA (Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act).
One question. Why?? Why is the Department Of Justice getting involved here? People LOVE sitting down and playing this GAME OF SKILL that the house only takes a rake on. The web sites don't participate in the games to try to win money and prizes.
I won't go into a long, boring diatribe here (Ed. Note: Yeah, sure. 8-to-5 he does it anyway.), but highly-skilled attorneys much smarter than I have constantly stated that this ban on internet poker and attempted prosecution of the sites' owners won't stand, and liken this action to the attempted prosecution of Ex-Giants baseball home run leader Barry Bonds, whom the U. S. Government spent about $5M on in trying to prosecute him on steroid charges, only to get one obstruction charge on the books for the five mil.
Nice goin, DOJ. Spend MORE of our money trying to prosecute this insignificant and LEGAL activity. There goes another $5M. You know, these web sites have tried to figure out ways to tax themselves when it comes to these games, with no luck.
Note to the U. S., Government: LEAVE POKER ALONE. It's legal, and we're not interested in you getting your grubby hands into the coffers of our winnings to help fund you next junket to Dubai. We're taxed to death, especially in California and New York state, and can't afford your spending our already-high tax dollars on your whimsical, drunken-sailor-like spending. Go away, and leave us alone.
OK, rant over, at least in the area of internet poker. No doubt, this action by the DOJ will have long-lasting ramifications that will last FAR longer than they should, and rest assured that as significant development take place in this area, Aces Casino, your Orange County casino party kingpin, will be there to report the news.
And Camp-O-Ree? We'll chronicle that "E-Ticket Ride" on Thursday.
Unless I'm still sore from last week, that is.