Monday, March 7, 2011

Aces Casino Blog: Top 3 "Mega-Hit" TV Shows That Have Just Become Flat-Out "Unwatchable!"

The crew at Aces Casino, Whittier's orange county casino party company, was sitting around the offices the other night catching up on some serious television after another fantastic casino party weekend, a TV night with the team that turned into a night of, "hey, change the channel, find something that's worth watching."

Yeah, good luck with that.

Hmm..Hey, there's Clippers basketball?  "Uhh, no."  Hmmmm... How about Pawn Stars?  "Nah, seen it three times.  It's the one where Hoss buys the hot-air balloon for like a hundred grand, Chumlee wants to go into the balloon ride business, and Rick gets pissed.."   Oh, yeah, I remember.... How about 'Cheaters?'  Four blank stares were the response for that one.  "If I wanted to watch some clueless wife hire a TV show detective service with cameras in tow trying to catch her lying husband cheating on her with some skank, I'd go home and sit out on my patio at my apartment complex" was the unified retort.

Turns out that's what we should have done in the first place.

Bottom line from the orange county casino party guys-turned TV critics: There's not much on TV after midnight on the weekends.  THEN, surprisingly enough, there WERE three shows sitting on our DVR system that we decided to go to, to end the TV-watching drought.  And, not so surprisingly, ALL THREE ended up being deleted from the DVR's queue after about 20 minutes of TV watching.

Then, it hit us.  "Aces Casino Blog!"

Yep, pretty much.  So, courtesy of your favorite orange county casino night party company, here were those same three DVR'd shows that instantly were deemed "unwatchable" by our Aces Casino crew, listed in the order that we TRIED to watch them, before giving it up....

#1 -- "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"

We remember when we first saw this show on "E," I think it was.  "Whoa, check out that Kim Kardashian."  That was enough for us.  We'd just sit there and watch as she's walk around and talk with her sisters, or make something in the kitchen.  Then, a surprise!  Bruce Jenner walked into the kitchen!  At least, it LOOKED like Bruce.  (Yeah, it was.  Sorry, I'm stuck in the eighties.  I remember what Bruce USED to look like.  We all get old, Aces, remember that.)

Well, after watching about seven or eight more episodes of this "Brady Bunch on Steroids" TV show, we found out why Bruce looks like he does, now.  It's that FAMILY!

First off, Bruce's wife is a drama queen and a big ol' fibber.  If I had a buck for every time that woman threw the olympic decathlete under the bus on that show, I wouldn't have to write these blogs.  She's a pain.  Then, Kim's sis, Chloe?  She must be adopted.  She's about a foot taller than the other girls, looks NOTHING like the others, is as dumb as a box of rocks, has allegedly married Lamar Odom of the Lakers (talked to a buddy of mine in the PR biz - He says it's a sham, they ain't hitched, you heard it here, first), and is as boring as watching paint that's already dry, DRY.  There were more family members floating in and out of the picture, but they don't matter.  They're not entertaining, either.

Then, for us, the death blow came every time "the girls" went to work at their lil' shop called "Dash."  I think it's a clothing store.  Not sure.  (Sorry - I'm not looking for anything in the background when Kim was on screen.  Sue me.)  It seems like these chicks were always arguing about what to do and whose ideas were better, so they'd end up doing nothing.   That place can't STILL be open, can it?  I'll look that up, and get back to you.

Bottom line here?  Unwatchable.  The mom reminds me of my Mother-In-Law, and we're in pain every time we see Jenner get mistreated.  Get out of there, Bruce.  Come work for us.  And, as for Kim?  If you think she's watchable, you're in luck.  She's now a professional celebrity.  You can see here EVERYWHERE.  And, she's cuttin' a CD, folks.  "Now, Isn't that SPECIAL?" If I wanted to hear singing like that, I'll open the window at home, and listen to the cats on the fence.  Thanks a LOT, Bruce!  How did these people get on TV?

Don't answer that.  Probably just how I started watching.   (Ed. note: Yes, the "Dash" store IS a clothing store, and DOES appear to still be open, in the city of Calabasas.  Here's a picture of the interior of the store.  The store won't BE there long, though, if you listen to the reviews.  The staff must be brutal.)

Makes ME wanna shop there.  Looks like my closet.  AND my floor.

#2 -- "V" 

This hurts to say this, being that we're such BIG fans of bad "Godzilla" films, but this redux of the old 1980's Sci-Fi mini-series featuring the "visitors" that are human on the outside, yet lizard-like on the inside, is just DRAGGING ON.  I've seen more exciting TV action on "Dora The Explorer."  

As usual, we started watching this show because the "Leader" of the "Visitors" (an actress named Morena Baccarin) is a FOX, but, after a while, she turns out to be just like some of the other women I had dated back when dinosaurs roamed the earth -- She's a totalitarian space lizard who has come to Earth to eat all of us.  This show wins the Aces Casino "Get ON With It" Award.  Nah, too late.  Unwatchable.  But, let me know when Morena Baccarin gets another gig.  She can come to work for us, too.  She can keep Jenner company.  Call us, Morena.

#3 -- "Jersey Shore"

(Laugh)  Holy MOLY!  Have you SEEN this show?  I remember the first "Jersey Shore" episode we watched, we thought, "hmm, maybe this might work."  Yeah, Aces.  That's right up there with, "hmm, maybe you can go on 'American Idol' and win."  Ain't happenin'. 

I mean, REALLY.... From Snooki to Deena, from "Pauly D" to "The Situation," this show just jumps out and pulverizes everything you thought was in bad taste.  Yep, there's now a NEW definition of "Bad Taste."  

This show is just too much.  They all look like they've been hanging out in the tanning booth for too long.  Someone must have bought one.  (Ed. note: Actually true: the show's "D.J.," Pauly-D, actually DOES own one.  BIG surprise.)  

Check out one show?  Yeah, that's cool, GOTTA see one.  Seven shows?  Uhh, no, it's got to go.  I'm sure these "Celebrities" think they're going to be in the public eye forever.  Got news for you, Snooki!  (I always wanted to say that.)  Unwatchable.  Get it now, before it's gone from MTV.  

 Oh, SURE, BIG plans for stardom HERE  (Not.)

Hey, we've got an idea for the next big thing in TV - COMBINE all three of these shows!  Get this premise: Take the Kardashian / Jenner family, and merge them into the same house with the cast from Jersey Shore.  Get your cameras ready and watch the hi-jinks unfold when Bruce Jenner meets Snooki, and Kim Kardashian hooks up with "The Situation."  Then, when everyone's asleep, tell Bruce Jenner he has a call outside to get him out of the house, then send in that human-eating lizard chick, and it's all over.  BIG ratings, we promise.  Who WOULDN'T want to see THIS??.  The orange county casino party crew does it again.

Don't thank us.  Just send the royalties checks to Aces Casino.

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